I bet you read that and felt a bit of pity, sympathy or even curiosity as to how mothers cope with a High Functioning Aspie child. All of your feelings are perfectly normal but totally off. The truth is a high functioning Aspie is pretty much like every other kid except for some minor quirks which are highly manageable and easily overcome. Okay now I am sure there are some Moms of kids on the spectrum rolling their eyes and saying “Your child is obviously not on the spectrum” and I empathize with those of you in this predicament, but the truth is Autism is on a spectrum for a reason and that reason is due to the fact that there is a SPECTRUM of various boxes that need to be ticked. High functioning Asperger’s tick’s some of those boxes but nowhere near as many boxes as some of those on the Autism Spectrum. Yes I know Asperger’s is autism and due to the new DSM-5 autism spectrum criteria Asperger’s no longer “officially” exists and 75% of the people with Aspergers will no longer be diagnosed as being on the spectrum due to this change or so it is said…. blah blah fish cakes. My youngest son was diagnosed with High Functioning Asperger’s (prior to its removal) by a Pediatric Specialist and his Occupational Therapist, I did not ask for any more after that because really what does it matter? There is a joke that goes around amongst the parents of the Aspie community which say’s “Congratulation’s!!! Your child has Aspergers”and to be honest, it kind of feels that way for us every day. Sure we cried and felt shocked (mostly my Husband and eldest son) when the Child Psychologist first brought up the possibility (when our son was assessed for being fearful of going to school or entering the classroom) but I was not completely closed off to the fact that he was on the spectrum. The truth is 2 of his previous teacher’s had mentioned that he may need to be assessed but we should wait and see how it goes. I was then told but numerous parents that there was no way he was on the spectrum because they knew of kids or in fact had a kid on the spectrum and our son was nothing like them. So for a while I plodded along thinking it was a phase and he would grow out of it. I even had a parent arrive at my home and tell me that I was not doing my son any favors by “molly coddling” him and he needed to toughen up!!! Holy hell that day that woman was lucky she walked out the house with all her teeth intact!
I digress. So when the Child Psychologist suggested the possibility of Asperger’s and further assessments, and we received confirmation by 2 separate experts,with letters behind their name, I can honestly say it came as a bit of a relief to us. (I say letters behind their name because everybody believes they are an expert on this subject ;-)
I thought that the challenges would start in earnest from there on-wards but the truth is everything kind of fell into place and became less stressful, better understood and therefore easier to manage. We started homeschooling with the full support and encouragement from our O/T and Pediatric specialist. The child psychologist was no longer in the picture as our son did not have a psychological issue and the psychologist told us that there was very little he could do to help us.
The biggest challenge and by far the most hurtful one was the skepticism and gossip that came after our diagnosis. It did not matter that we had done everything we were supposed to do or that we had gone through all the right channels. There were those in the community that we had been a part of who decided for themselves that our son did not act or behave like a child with Autism and he therefore was not on the spectrum. Why does it hurt? I asked myself that often. Well it hurt because their denial meant that they thought we were lying, creating stories and using our child as a pawn. It meant that our son was considered strange, a pampered boy who needed to harden up. It’s kind of like someone getting diagnosed with Diabetes, telling people and then have them insisting its rubbish and that he should just eat more sugar so he could buildup a resistance and stop making a big deal out of nothing. It is really hurtful! My family and I are a happy go lucky bunch who prefer to keep to ourselves, so I can assure you attention was not part of the reason he was sent for all those assessments!
Looking back on it now I am incredibly proud of my youngest son and my family. We weathered some really unnecessary criticism and gossip from the very people who should have supported and acknowledged our youngest son's challenges, bravery & journey. Our son lost a friend or two along the way and was left confused when they would come over and relay what their Mom or friends thought about him not going to school anymore. He still talks about them, only now he will say “Remember so and so who used to be my friend but then stopped being my friend and was angry at me?”.Every time he does that my heart breaks, he still does not know what he did to warrant such hurtful remarks or opinions from his friends and their families and to be honest neither do I?
So in answer to my heading, the only real challenge we have faced as a family of a High Function Aspie has been some of the parents of his old class. I guess he did not fit into their “Rain man” picture of what Autism should look like, they just never bothered to find out about Asperger’s. If they had taken the time they would see that Asperger’s looks just like you and me. They have probably worked alongside someone with Asperger’s and never even known it!
Thankfully our son has moved on and made new friends through his homeschooling groups and Asperger’s group. He has also been very blessed to keep 3 of his old class mates as friends.
Our youngest son is just like everyone else only better :-)
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