Who knew?

So yesterday I was doing a major clean up in between our lessons and I came across an exercise ball that I bought a loooooong time ago with all the good intentions of the world of using but never actually getting around to it. My 7yr (Aspie/SID) spotted it and decided to start rolling around on it. So that was fun and everything, but we still needed to get our lessons done. When we moved to the computer he took his chair away and replaced it with the exercise ball. I kept quiet deciding I would allow him to explore this option even though I was gearing myself up for a rather distracted and frenetic couple of lessons ahead. He sat down, or rather bounced down, logged on and started his lessons all the while bouncing and rolling his little heart out. By this time I was quite convinced that there was no way he could possibly read the questions let alone type the answers, but lo and behold Mr had no problem with bouncing, rolling, reading, typing and...... getting nearly everything 100% right!!!!! Who knew the male species could actually multi-task at such a functional level?! He aced his Math, Lit, Language and Science in record time with no fuss, no frustration and NO LOSS OF FOCUS???? So I put that down to novelty and possibly just a remarkably good day. This morning he grabbed the ball and repeated the process with even better results, sure he hit the "w" key instead of the "e" when typing the word "heart" but hey who has not had a type-o from time to time. Anyway, the ball is staying and I am now wondering if they come in bigger sizes, I mean just think of the endless possibilities for my eldest son and dare I say it, my husband!!! My goodness they could be multi-tasking in no time 

What has the biggest challenge been?

I bet you read that and felt a bit of pity, sympathy or even curiosity as to how mothers cope with a High Functioning Aspie child.  All of your feelings are perfectly normal but totally off. The truth is a high functioning Aspie is pretty much like every other kid except for some minor quirks which are highly manageable and easily overcome. Okay now I am sure there are some Moms of kids on the spectrum rolling their eyes and saying “Your child is obviously not on the spectrum” and I empathize with those of you in this predicament, but the truth is Autism is on a spectrum for a reason and that reason is due to the fact that there is a SPECTRUM of various boxes that need to be ticked. High functioning Asperger’s tick’s some of those boxes but nowhere near as many boxes as some of those on the Autism Spectrum. Yes I know Asperger’s is autism and due to the new DSM-5 autism spectrum criteria Asperger’s no longer “officially” exists and 75% of the people with Aspergers will no longer be diagnosed as being on the spectrum due to this change or so it is said…. blah blah fish cakes. My youngest son was diagnosed with High Functioning Asperger’s (prior to its removal) by a Pediatric Specialist and his Occupational Therapist,  I did not ask for any more after that because really what does it matter? There is a joke that goes around amongst the parents of the Aspie community which say’s “Congratulation’s!!! Your child has Aspergers”and to be honest, it kind of feels that way for us every day. Sure we cried and felt shocked (mostly my Husband and eldest son) when the Child Psychologist first brought up the possibility (when our son was assessed for being fearful of going to school or entering the classroom) but I was not completely closed off to the fact that he was on the spectrum. The truth is 2 of his previous teacher’s had mentioned that he may need to be assessed but we should wait and see how it goes.  I was then told but numerous parents that there was no way he was on the spectrum because they knew of kids or in fact had a kid on the spectrum and our son was nothing like them. So for a while I plodded along thinking it was a phase and he would grow out of it. I even had a parent arrive at my home and tell me that I was not doing my son any favors by “molly coddling” him and he needed to toughen up!!! Holy hell that day that woman was lucky she walked out the house with all her teeth intact!

I digress. So when the Child Psychologist suggested the possibility of Asperger’s and further assessments,  and we received confirmation by 2 separate experts,with letters behind their name, I can honestly say it came as a bit of a relief to us. (I say letters behind their name because everybody believes they are an expert on this subject ;-)

I thought that the challenges would start in earnest from there on-wards but the truth is everything kind of fell into place and became less stressful, better understood and therefore easier to manage. We started homeschooling with the full support and encouragement from our O/T and Pediatric specialist. The child psychologist was no longer in the picture as our son did not have a psychological issue and the psychologist told us that there was very little he could do to help us.

The biggest challenge and by far the most hurtful one was the skepticism and gossip that came after our diagnosis. It did not matter that we had done everything we were supposed to do or that we had gone through all the right channels. There were those in the community that we had been a part of who decided for themselves that our son did not act or behave like a child with Autism and he therefore was not on the spectrum. Why does it hurt? I asked myself that often. Well it hurt because their denial meant that they thought we were lying, creating stories and using our child as a pawn. It meant that our son was considered strange, a pampered boy who needed to harden up. It’s kind of like someone getting diagnosed with Diabetes, telling people and then have them insisting its rubbish and that he should just eat more sugar so he could buildup a resistance and stop making a big deal out of nothing. It is really hurtful! My family and I are a happy go lucky bunch who prefer to keep to ourselves, so I can assure you attention was not part of the reason he was sent for all those assessments! 

Looking back on it now I am incredibly proud of my youngest son and my family. We weathered some really unnecessary criticism and gossip from the very people who should have supported and acknowledged our youngest son's challenges, bravery & journey. Our son lost a friend or two along the way and was left confused when they would come over and relay what their Mom or friends thought about him not going to school anymore. He still talks about them, only now he will say “Remember so and so who used to be my friend but then stopped being my friend and was angry at me?”.Every time he does that my heart breaks, he still does not know what he did to warrant such hurtful remarks or opinions from his friends and their families and to be honest neither do I?

So in answer to my heading, the only real challenge we have faced as a family of a High Function Aspie has been some of the parents of his old class. I guess he did not fit into their “Rain man” picture of what Autism should look like, they just never bothered to find out about Asperger’s. If they had taken the time they would see that Asperger’s looks just like you and me. They have probably worked alongside someone with Asperger’s and never even known it!

Thankfully our son has moved on and made new friends through his homeschooling groups and Asperger’s group. He has also been very blessed to keep 3 of his old class mates as friends.

Our youngest son is just like everyone else only better :-)

Introduction to my family

This is just to give you an idea of who I am talking about and the dynamics involved in my day to day posts and thoughts. That is if you are interested in this journey or maybe curious to see the dynamics of a family with ADHD, ADD, Asperger's and Geeknis (Yes, I said Geeknis).

Geeknis is a variant of Adonis which is the god of beauty and desire. Back in the day Adonis was the shiz but this is a new age and Geeks are the shiz, enter Geeknis.

I am privileged to have married one such Geeknis and  I will refer to him as W in this blog. W is a Technical Lead/Team Leader for an I.T.solutions company and specializes in Network, infrastructure and his latest love VMware. He creates virtual  servers within servers that run virtual environments for businesses. At least that is what I think he does, it is virtually (corny I know) impossible to understand what it is he does unless you yourself are a Geeknis and I am definitely not gifted with Geeknis. He is a gamer through and through and prefer's first person shooter games but will play RPG's if we all play as a family

We have a 17yr old son who I will refer to as J. J is 100% into his sport, gym and body science. He has has been treated for sensory integration issues, fine motor skill issues and more recently ADD. He is currently in YR13 studying Visual Design & Communication, History, Classics (Greek & Roman History), Photography, Sports and is in the Sports Elite program. He is in the Athletics team for school (100m sprint & long jump), Touch team for club, American Football Team for Club (RB)  and is an avid PC/XBox gamer. He plays it all but spends hours on strategy games with strong historic connections as well as Maddan on XBox.

Then there is our youngest little critter. He is 7 now and I will call him C. C has the wildest imagination you could ever think of and his kindergarten teacher's were quite convinced that he would continue on to become a Steven Spielberg or a Peter Jackson. He is a gamer through and through with a strong interest in Minecraft and strategy games,  but unlike his brother he prefer's strategy games that are based on Alien worlds. C has High Functioning Asperger's, sensory integration issues and fine motor skill challenges. He could talk the hind legs of a donkey if left unchecked. His vocabulary is way ahead of his peers and yet his fine motor skills are way behind his peers. He is King of the world on the PC and is able to type and search topics of interest to him with very little assistance from us,  so his spelling and ability to read and type is ahead of his peers but in a class room environment he falls behind and gets overwhelmed.

and now me.... I am a bit strange. I did not fit in at school and was a loner in primary school but became popular in high school (I still do not know what caused this shift). I always stood up for the under dog and identified more with the "outcasts" than the "in" groups. I did not do well at school, as I was bored shitless most of the time, I challenged authority at every turn and dropped out at 16years old. I started working at 17 as a receptionist and slowly built my career up to a Regional Manager at an Outsourcing Company listed on the stock exchange. I have ADHD and some other quirks but I have only ever bothered to get the ADHD diagnosis. I stopped working 7 years ago when we immigrated so I could be here for the boys during our transition while my hubby had a chance to focus on his career. I loved the isolation and quiet that staying at home gave me and only worked briefly for 2 years as a sports co-ordinator for a school. I am currently homeschooling C as well as getting back into my creativity in drawing, design and now writing.

The next post will be about the first couple of months of C's life and the beginning stages of realizing that something was somehow different...............

The beginning of enlightenment....Asperger's

This blog has been a long time in the making, or at least in thought. I have been wanting to start this for ages but as a true ADHD adult the thought happens and stays interesting for as long as it takes to set up the blog and then the interest and drive for that subject has disappeared and boredom sets in.

So today I set aside time to get this blog up and running.  I hope to add to the background and story as I go but not all in one sit down. 

I am not sure why this is so important to me, maybe it is because I feel so strongly about what was right with our (my son's, husband and myself)  journey and what was definitely wrong with what happened. Maybe it is because I was silent for so long while I took the misguided advise, opinions and even lectures from teachers, school staff, well meaning parents and not so well meaning parents and doctors. Maybe I am confident enough now to know that I have a handle on this and it is working our way. Maybe I worry that other parents and family's in similar situations may end up "conforming" to what the world says and in tern their wonderfully wired children will be put through horribly traumatic (to an aspergers child) situations. I am not sure what my aim is with this blog, what the reason is, but I do know that I have to do it. So here we go.......